Applying Scripture

This post is going to be quite a departure from what I normally write about. Emma is definitely a part of it, but she's not the dominant theme. God is.

I read this verse this morning.... "My soul is downcast within me, therefore I will remember you..." (Psalm 42:6)

While I feel I'm getting though every day pretty normally, and without the constant feeling of being downcast in my soul, when I have those moments to really reflect on "life" right now (as I did a few days ago when I was unable to go back to sleep for 4 hours in the middle of the night) I realize that "downcast" truly is the reality of my soul. Jon has now been out of work since July 7 (with the exception of 2 weeks) and despite the large number of applications he's filled out and resumes he's submitted, nothing permanent has come up. It's been stressful not knowing when he'll be employed full-time again and looking at our finances, wondering if all will be depleted.

Don't misunderstand...we're doing remarkably well and are not resorting to eating Ramen noodles yet! ::smile:: Emma is not suffering in any way. We have just had to restrict our spending which means also planning our menu carefully and shopping accordingly. All in all I think it has been good for us, however we have certainly had our tense moments of trying to communicate frustrations with one another.

Which brings me to the point in Scripture which says, "therefore I will remember you." Here is what I remind myself of:

• God has dealt with stubborn and foolish people (of which I count myself one) since the beginning of time, yet still extends abundant grace and forgiveness
• Jesus didn't lead an easy life. He had to walk nearly everywhere (yikes!), people misunderstood him all the time, one of his friends betrayed him, he may have desired to have a wife and child of his own yet submitted himself to the Father's will, and ultimately he gave his life -- in a way that had to be as incredibly painful as it was injust.

I look back and see His hand over me through the years...

• One of my friendships ended so that I could be drawn to God
• I received a scholarship which allowed me to attend the college of my choice
• My friendship with Jon (which at one point was non-existent) was restored which ended up in marriage
• God wiped out a balance we owed on our moving truck when we relocated to Ohio....saving us hundreds of dollars we didn't have to begin with
• My paycheck stretched during the 5 months Jon was unable to work at the beginning of our marriage
• The Lord provided a "bonus" for me at the same time Jon required a root canal. It covered the bill
• We have repeatedly come into "extra" money when we've needed car repairs, new contacts, etc.

And most recently....and in light of our current circumstances....I'm coming to realize that God was providing for us in advance, knowing that we would experience this "drought" if income...

• The people of the church (and grandparents) were incredibly generous with baby gifts, and we've not had to purchase more than 8 items of clothing or very many other supplies
• My student loan was paid off right before Emma was born, which freed up $200 per month
• Emma was born in 2006, during which time we had 90/10 coverage through our insurance. At the New Year, our plan changed to 80/20. We were able to get all of the hospital bills paid within a couple of months.
• I get an 80% discount on daycare due to being full-time staff, which equals about $1 per hour for care.
• We have a friend/connection through the church who is able to supply us with diapers and wipes. We've only bought one package of diapers and one box of wipes since Emma was born, and that was during vacation in Canada just because we didn't want to pack them.
• I got a unexpected and substantial raise this year which kicked in mid-June....right before Jon stopped working.

God has proven Himself faithful to us. I will continue to trust Him, even if it requires that we be broken down to $0 in all accounts and have to be in prayer for the next bill to be covered or the next meal to be provided. He hasn't let us down yet.

This has been very stretching spiritually. For a period of time Jon and I got into the habit (to which we need to return) of having "Bible time" together each evening. It was a great time for us to read together and communicate about the passage, which always inevitably prompted other discussions. I don't know what happened to cause us to stop, but I know we need to get back to it...now more than ever.

Some of you may be thinking, "Did we really need to know all of that?" Probably not, but this is my way of giving God glory in the midst of a dry time. It's something I can come back and read on the days when I'm doubting and am especially cynical. And it's something for Jon to be reminded of as well (love you, Babe). I'm sure my next post will jump back to the ins and outs of our incredibly SMART and beautiful little girl.